The Head

Just bumped into the girls headmaster in the coop.
Charlotte (in a really loud voice): I wonder what he's buying. I bet it's beer. Or wine. He's always drinking beer.

Sickness

Me: Charlotte, have you had a good day?
Charlotte: Yeah, Ben Little was sick everywhere!

Toileting

Me: Charlotte, do you need a wee?
Charlotte: No, I'm just playing a song on my bottom. Listen...!

Weight Watching

Me to Paul yesterday: do I look like I've lost any weight this week?
Lydia: errr, not really. In fact you look like you've put a bit on.

Charming.

Domesticated

Charlotte: what I really want in my new room is a hoover.
Me: a hoover?
Charlotte: not a toy one, a real one. So I can clean up when it gets a bit dusty in there.

Names

Charlotte: did you think of a name for me?
Me: yes
Charlotte: what was it?
Me: Charlotte
Charlotte: not bumhead?
Me: no. Lydia wanted to call you Jesus though
<long pause>
Charlotte: we can call the guinea pig Jesus bumhead.

Drinking

Lydia: the worst day of my life was yesterday
me: why?
L: Because the pub burned down
me: Oh right
L: I was really looking forward to going for a drink in there in a few years.