Drinking

Lydia: the worst day of my life was yesterday
me: why?
L: Because the pub burned down
me: Oh right
L: I was really looking forward to going for a drink in there in a few years.

Stealing

Me: Lydia, we do good stuff together don't we?
Lydia: Yes, we're good at stealing.
Me: What?!
Lydia: Yes, we're good at stealing from shops.
Me: Stealing?!
Lydia: I stole a person one time. An african person.

Tea

Charlotte What's this?
Me: it's for recycling, can you put it in the bin for me?
Charlotte: No
Me: Please!
Charlotte: No, it's not rubbish
Me: It is, put it in the bin
Charlotte: It's not rubbish, it's what we have for tea!

Wick 'ed

Charlotte : Ow, that's hot!
Me: Don't keep touching it then!
Charlotte: I have to
Me: Erm, why?
Charlotte: Because I'm a Wick 'ed*

*what she thinks daddy called a bloke driving the wrong way down a one way street.

Wildlife

Me: did you see Charly's dad with that bird?
Lydia: yeah. They're his pets.
Me: cool. What kind of birds does he have?
Lydia: those ones with beaks.

Carefree

Charlotte: that lady dunt care does she?
Me: pardon?
C: she dunt care!
Me: she doesn't care? About what?
C: about you. She dunt care about you. She just walked past cos she dunt care about you.

Ambition

charlotte: when I'm grown up I want to be a fire engine
lydia: when I grow up I want to be on facebook

Bumming

Charlotte: i'm going to make this bed better by rubbing my bum all over it.

This is a practice she's calling magic bumming.

Love

Charlotte: I don't love you, I love mummy.
Lydia: you can love 2 people
Charlotte: no, only one. I love mummy.
Lydia: I love mummy too
Charlotte: you cant, i do. You love daddy

She stinks

Me: what's the matter?
Charlotte: Lydia's bum smells
Me: What?
Charlotte: Her bum smells and she's taken her pants and knickers off
Me: Don't be silly, go to sleep!
Charlotte: I can't she's up there and she stinks
Me: Go to sleep!
Charlotte: I can't, I can still smell her!